On Teshuvah, or Relationship Repair

As of this writing, we’re officially in Yamim Noraim, the Days of Awe that fall between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Here at GatherBay, we’ve been thinking a lot about teshuvah, or relationship repair, a vital practice that we often begin in the month of Elul, leading up to the High Holidays. 

Throughout the High Holiday season, the spiritual technology of teshuvah, or relationship repair, offers us a way to address places we’ve missed the mark in the preceding year. We might make teshuvah in our relationships with ourselves, with individual humans or other creatures, with communities, with ecosystems, or with the Divine Mystery. 

But there’s still time! While teshuvah gets a lot of attention in the time leading up the High Holidays, it’s an evergreen practice and we wanted to provide a few resources and frameworks to support you over the coming days. 

For grounding, we often turn to the Jastrow Dictionary of rabbinic Hebrew to look at the root of teshuvah:

teshuvah /  תְּשׁוּבָה f. (b. h.; שׁוּב) 

1) return to God, repentance

2) reply, answer

In this definition, we see a few facets of teshuvah. In addressing a harm done, whether intentionally or unintentionally, directly or through complicity, we are able to return—to our own more aligned selves, to ‘right relationship’ with each other and our broader communities, and to greater closeness with the Source of Life or big mysteries of existence. 

Another person in the Bay Area Jewish community, Rabbi Dev Noily, shared these pearls of wisdom in a sermon a few years ago:

Chesed plus Emet = Teshuvah: a practice for the heart and the world, on Chochenyo Ohlone land (Yom Kippur 5779)

“Teshuvah is turning to face the truth with love and compassion, ready to walk the path of accountability and repair… In this way, we re-align ourselves with the truth of our being, and we liberate ourselves, little by little, from the unwelcome habits that weigh us down, and from the distortions that pull us away from ourselves.”

Some questions to reflect on

You might want to journal on the following questions as you consider the texts above:

• How might the motif of turning towards places of hurt or challenge impact our ability to initiate repair? 
• Where are you in need of repair, whether with yourself, with others, or with the big mysteries?
• Have you had experiences in the past, whether with others or with yourself, that give you glimpses into what teshuvah, or relational repair, can make possible? 
• What kind of support might you need in order to be able to practice teshuvah? 

What if I still don’t know where to start?

Figuring out how to turn towards our best selves, towards each other, towards broken places and repair can, at times, be a daunting task. The good news is that we don’t have to have it all figured out—we can learn as we go. 

A text in the Babylonian Talmud (Shabbat 88a) teaches: How are the Jewish people similar to an apple tree?Just as an apple tree’s fruit grows before its leaves, so too, when receiving the Torah, the ancient Israelites said “we will do” (naaseh) before “we will hear” (nishma)—meaning that they would learn through the process of doing.  

It’s always a good time to experiment with a practice of teshuvah and starting small can help us learn and, over time, grow our capacity.

Here are two resources that we think might be useful as you navigate the coming days and find your own way into teshuvah:

• Resources on Teshuvah and Repair from SRE (Safety, Respect, Equity) Network
• Teshuvah After a Year of Conflict and Pain from Keshet

Just as we’re invited to taste the sweetness of the apple at the beginning of a new year, so too may the new year bring new opportunities for teshuvah and the deeper relationships that grow out of our turning. 

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If you’d like to talk more about teshuvah or other Jewish practices, you can always reach out to GatherBay’s Community Rabbi, Gray Myrseth: rabbi.gray@gatherbay.org.